Just a short update.

Well it's been awhile since my last blog. Not that anyone reads it anymore lol. Hubby and I made it to our one year. We had a fantastic anniversary; we went to Outback, then came home to exchange gifts, and ate some wedding cake. We've been contemplating moving out of state. My dad and I have been getting closer. I've been trying to make a family tree, which is harder than what I thought, but it will all be worth it. The main reason I want to make one is for the kids. But anyways that's just a short update

BAD NEWS AND GOOD NEWS

Well I got hurt the other night at Walmart. I tripped over some wooden pallets they left laying in the middle of the aisle. My foot was swollen near bout twice the size of my other one and a huge bruise on my knee. The swelling has gone down a bit. Hopefully I will soon get to where I can walk on it again. Right nwo I've been taking pain pills and they keep making me fall asleep lol. Hopefully I will be able to stay awake tomorrow during church.

I know I'm ready for our luck to change. I'm still praising God. It could've been way worse, my foot could've been broken, but it was only bruised. Praise the Lord.

We are still looking for any kind of work. Chris doesn't really want me to have to work, but he says I can if I want to. I may until either he finds a good paying job or his preaching career takes off, that or until we get pregnant.

The new preacher at the church has offered to take Chris under his wing and mentor him. Hopefully it won't be too much longer before he is ready to go before the board to get his license, but I'm not going to rush it because it is all according to God's time. I'm nervous to see where Chris gets called. I can't wait to call myself a preacher's wife. I never saw myself as one, but I prayed to God to send me someone who is strong in faith, and who better than someone going into the ministry?

I don't know what all being a preacher's wife entails but God wouldn't put me in that position if He didn't think I could handle it. I know Satan will constantly try to get to us but that's why we need to remain strong in Christ.

Well that's all that I have to update for now. I'm so excited to see what the future holds. Looking forward and not looking back. Living for today and in the moment. I have a wonderful family on both sides, an amazing husband, and the best of all A FORGIVING AND LOVING GOD!!!

Every cloud has a silver lining

We have had an interesting time since my last post. Since then our truck caught fire and I found out that my dad has emphysema. I know God dos everything for a reason, but sometimes it can be overwhelming.

I miss my truck every once in awhile, but we now have a vehicle that runs better. We went from a 79 Ford F150 Ranger (that I just had to have) to a 93 Mercury Cougar XR7. So we recceived a blessing from that.

The story behind how the truck caught fire (April 18. 2010.)

Chris and I ran out of gas Sunday April 18, 2010 on our way home from his grandma's house. We put gas in the tank and it still wouldn't crank so we had to put a litle in the carborator, but because it was so late we couldn't see how much we put. I climbed in the cab to start it and see if we put enough (generally I would've climbed in through the passenger's side because the driver's side is messed up, it was really hard to close, it had to be closed from the outside). I know it was God who was looking out for me, because I was sitting there with the door ajar when it happened. I know we will have some interesting stories to tell our kids about our first year of marriage.

A few weeks late I found out that my daddy has emphysema. I mean now he seems to want to get closer, but I wish that he would've when he was well.

I'm learning from every bad situation you can find good in it.

We still can't find employment anywhere. I don't think we will be able to....because we both know what God has called us to do. He has been called to be a preacher, so he is working on gettng his license. I know he can do it and I'm so proud of him.

IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT HE WILL GET YOU THROUGH IT. I'm having to learn that the hard way.

I know He will never forsake us. I am thankful that all of our bills are paid.By the grace of God we have enough money each month to pay what needs to be paid.

Keep on praying for us please. Alot can happen through the power of prayer. I serve a wonderful God and will continue to serve Him.

That's just a small update. I will try to get on here more often

My Cousin :(

I am so worried about my cousin. He went to the doctor's Wednesday (March 17, 2010) and they said that his heart is weaker and will continue to get weaker. They also did an ultrasound on his liver and said that his liver is deteriorating. The docs said there is nothing they can do about it. I am so upset I feel like crying.

I mean he is only 21...he was born with heart problems but I mean...come on.

He called me tonight and told me that he told me that his faith is shaken. He wants me to give him answers...but I don't want to tell him I don't really have the answers. I'm trying to tell him to look to God. He's like 'Everyone keeps giving me the same answer, stay faithful, pray' etc.

What should I do...please pray for him. I'm not going to admit that he may pass....I refuse...he is going to live.

The doctor's said he wouldn't live past 2 but he did, he is 21....he's a fighter, I know he will make it, he has too, he just has too.

He has never had a girlfriend and he wants to be married and have kids. He is too strong willed to let this defeat him.

What can I do? I'm so scared for him. Please pray for him.

The Perfect Day Followed by the Perfect Honeymoon.

Well Chris and I renewed our vows on February 14, 2010. It was a beautiful ceremony. I was so nervous when I finally got to the church.



My younger sister was suppose to put tips on my nails the night before the wedding and had me cut all of my other nails off, which wasn't a problem at first. Well at the start the fake nails didn't want to stick and then she finally realized what I tried to tell her that we needed the fill-in for it, so it would look right. This was all at about 12am. So I had to try and find a nail salon open on a Sunday. That was really hard to do, but we found one. I was suppose to be at the church by 12:30 to make sure all the decorations were done and so I could get ready in time, but I didn't leave from getting my nails done until about 11:15 and then I had to get home and get everything packed. We didn't leave the house until close to 2pm, and the wedding was at 3pm. I didn't put on makeup or anything before we left. We flew all the way to Butler for the wedding and I got there a little after 2:30 (still not dressed and no makeup on). Well when we got there I had to unload some last minute decorations out of the car. I got some decorations set up, but Nanny told me to just go ahead and put my makeup on and she would handle the decorations. (Some of the guests were already there). So I quickly did my makeup.



Now came the fun part...it's time to get dressed. I had like 5 people trying to help me, but finally my mom and aunt left the room to go put the bows on the pews. I had to put my own veil on because no one could figure it out and it was like 2:55. I thought I looked very pretty in the dress. My aunt's boyfriend came in to take some pics (after I was dressed of course). Come to find out my hubby was a little late to lol.



When it came time to walk down the ring bearer didn't really want to go and the flower girl dumped the flowers out and then threw the pale (it was one from Walmart) at the preacher. That was so funny, I wish I could've gotten it on video.



Here I come down the aisle, it looked like Chris was nervous too, and it looked like he had tears in his eyes. I felt like the preacher was going to talk forever. We lit our unity candle and our song was The Day Before You by Rascal Flatts.



The reception area was gorgeous, the ladies who decorated it did a fantastic job, the wedding cake turned out beautifully, everything seemed to be so perfect. I don't think I could've asked for anything prettier.



We were going to wait until Monday to go on our honeymoon but one of my aunts and her daughter were at my grandparents house so my grandparents paid for us a night at a hotel. That was really nice (until I got a headache and threw up the next morning, the weird thing is I'm not sure what caused it and after vomitting that one time I was fine).



I booked our honeymoon in Forsyth it was really nice. We might drive back up there one day and eat at Grits Cafe (if I can ever figure out when they're open). We had a fantastic time. It was so relaxing and the hotel was wonderful. We hated that we only had 2 nights, but that was better than none at all. We have decided to make a vacation section in the budget book and if nothing else put $10 here and there and save up for our anniversary to go on a trip.



I love ebeing able to go somewhere to just relax once in awhile, everyone needs a break to be the one they love. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Chris. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I couldn't ask for more.

My better half

I'm over here at my grandparent's house without my husband. Now we didn't get into a fight...we are renewing our vows this Sunday. You may ask, buy why choose to be away from him that long? Well the thing is I still have alot left to get before I'm fully ready for what I like to call the 'Formal Wedding.'

You see my husband and myself got married back on October 2, 2009. We weren't dating very long by this time, but we knew we were in love and that it was meant to be. Chris and I began dating on August 31, 2009. I know that's not very long to have dated and then gotten married, but we prayed about it. If you know you love someone, why should you wait years and years to finally do what you've wanted to do all along?!

After much prayer and discussion we decided that we were going to elope (well we did want a formal wedding but felt like God wanted us to go ahead and get married.) We weren't sure how our families would take the news of us wanting to get married because of the fact that we hadn't known each other long at all. We thought they would tell us that we hadn't been dating long enough to fall in love or to know if we truly loved one another. So we took matters into our own hands because we knew what we were doing was right, we drove out to the Bibb County Courthouse, showed our ideas, filled out some paperwork, answered some questions (assured them we weren't related lol), and then it was official. I became Mrs. Christopher Walters on Friday October 2, 2009.

The next step was to tell our families (yes it is true, we ran away got married and then had to break the news to everyone.) When we told them, they were shocked. But they took it very well. My family welcomed him and his welcomed me. Now everyone is pitching in to help us with our 'Formal Wedding.' I feel so blessed to have been born into such and wonderful family and thne married into a wonderful family. Most of the time I feel like I don't deserve any of these wonderful people that I have surrounding me.

I will go into detail at a later date about when we got married and what has happened since.

I chose to write about Chris tonight because he is my world., he is the half that makes me whole...my better half. If you listen to these songs 'The Day Before You' by Rascal Flatts, 'God Bless the Broken Road' by Rascal Flatts or 'You Saved Me' by Kenny Chesney they will describe how I feel about him. I didn't realize I would miss him this much, with just being 30 minutes away and only going to be gone for 3 days. I get to see him tomorrow because we have the wedding rehearsal at the church at 2, but then I'm coming back to my grandparent's and not seeing him until Sunday at the wedding. Y'all have to understand that we were even apart this long when we were dating. (At least not that I remember) You may call it weakness but I call it love. The love of a husband that is so strong that our being seperated makes me crave his kisses. It makes me want to drive to him, but I know being apart for a little while will make our marriage even stronger.

I am so nervous ( I know I'm already married, but that doesn't calm my nerves any.) I know I did the hard part and found the perfect man, but even though I'm already married the wedding is a big deal. It's what a girl dreams of her entire life. I know that God will work EVERYTHING out for us. No matter what we are struggling with. I can't wait until Sunday. I miss him so much right now. I just want the world to know that I love Mr. Walters and I don't care who knows it. Words can't describe how I feel about him. He is truly the answer to my prayer. I am so blessed to be married to such a wonderful, loving, God fearing, sexy, country boy. He is the perfect man for me and no one but God could ever take that away from me. Chris is mine and I shall cherish him until the end of time.

The way I feel about my father

My name is Ashley and I am 22 years old. I married the love of my life less than a year ago (October 2, 2009), but before I met him I fell away from God for awhile. I was doing things I shouldn't have been doing. Maybe I should take you back a bit further...........

You think of grandparents as people to visit and spoil you. I think of them as my Mom and my Dad, even though I call them Nanny and Pawpaw. They saved me from the world I was in. I won't go into details right now about it. Let's just say it wasn't the ideal place for a baby. So they started raising me at an early age. I permanately moved in with them when I was halfway through first grade. That was a major blessing.

I have two younger sisters one who was adopted out to her grandparents and then my other one my mom and her dad raised. We all have different fathers. They knew theirs. My middle sister grew up thinking her grandparents were her parents and that her dad was her brother but she still knew him. My youngest sister was raised by her mom and dad (not in the best situation) but she still knew her daddy. I had to go through life not even knowing the name of my father.

Now don't get me wrong, Pawpaw was a great dad to me, but I knew he was my grandfather, although he always treated me like his daughter. Even though I had him I didn't have the one who got my mom pregnant. Pawpaw was always at work so that Nanny and I would have a good life. My grandfather is an amazing man, but even that didn't keep my pillow from being soaked with my tears at night. I don't think anyone knows how truly horrible it made me feel.

I knew that Nanny and Pawpaw loved me but that didn't feel the void in my life that not knowing your father left. I would see kids in public with their dads and I just wanted to come back home. When I got home I went straight to my room to cry. That's why I spent most of my life in my room reading. I didn't want to be jealous of other children who knew their dads.
I would always ask who my dad was and somehow the subject was always avoided. No one wanted me to get hurt but what they failed to realize is that not knowing is just as bad a being rejected (which I would find out later).

By the time I was 12 years old I was finally able to convince my mom to tell me who my dad was. I found out his name is Michael Helms. Well I found out his address and decided to write him a letter and send him some pictures of me and my number. I gave it to Nanny to mail off and I was looking through the house a few weeks later and found out that my mom hid it and said it was for my own good. Well I am a very stubborn individual. I insisted that it be mailed.
Now was the hard part. THE WAIT. Well he called me and we decided that we would meet. Nanny and Pawpaw were out of town that week. But they agreed to let him come over while my mom was here. So he, my step mom, and stepbrother came over about a week later. He brought me a little thing of flowers and some pictures of them. We talked for awhile but then my younger cousin and my sister started acting up. I was so embarrassed. This was supposed to be one of the best days of my life. Despite all of that my life seemed to have turned around for the better. I was happy when I went to sleep at night and could actually handle watching kids with their dads, because now I had a dad to take me fishing and camping.

We hung out for a year or two and then he stopped having any kind of relationship with me. I was back to being devastated. I would cry every night. I called and called. I thought I was a bad person and did something to push him away. That was the first time I truly felt rejected.
Michael acted like he wanted something to do with me again. Nanny and Pawpaw were skeptical because despite me trying to hide it, they could see that I was hurting. He did great for awhile. Until he got caught stealing meds from an apartment that he worked at and had to go to rehab, where he met my step mom that I have today.

I lost touch with him again, but I never stopped trying. I finally got in touch with him again and thought he would change. I found out the person he was engaged to (Amy) had four boys, which I didn't have a problem with because I always wanted little brothers. Well we hung out for about a year off and on (me always calling) and then I lost contact with him again.

I found out he married Amy, again I didn't have a problem with this. But he acts like he wants more to do with her boys than he does with his only child. Sometimes I blame my mom for not telling him that she was pregnant, but I could only imagine how different my world would have been had he raised me. God knew what he was doing when He put me with Nanny and Pawpaw.
When my dad makes promises to me now I don't really pay attention to them. I will always forgive him and my mom for the pain they have caused me but that doesn't mean that I can forget.

When my dad makes promises I take them with a grain of salt now because promises aren't his strong suit. But as long as there's a breath in me I will pursue a relationship with my dad, but I will NEVER forget the relationship with Pawpaw. That is why he is walking me down the aisle. He has always been there for me (well him and Nanny).

By the time I graduated high school, because my dad seemed to want nothing to do with me, I tried to feel the void by dating guys (that is a different blog all together). Long story short with that. No MAN can fill the void of a father's love, no matter how much they love you. Yes Pawpaw tried his best. He is my DAD, but there is always that thought in my mind "How would I have turned out if I knew my dad when I was little?" As I was told at one tme...anyone can be a father it takes a real man to be a dad. But whether you have a father figure in your life or not it doesn't warrant what you do with your life. Don't make mistakes like I did. There are things that I'm having to cope with because I tried to fill the void of a father's love with human love when I could have turned to my religion and had AGAPE LOVE. That's the only love that is important to me. Yes I'm married and yes I love my husband with everything I am, and I love my family, but I will tell you now there is nothing that compares to the love that God has shown us and will sh

ow you if you just let Him in your heart.
I think that is all I should bore y'all with today. And don't look at this as me trying to blame my shortcomings on the absent of my father. I had a hard time writing this because even to this day I want to cry because I am still in the pursuit of a relationship with my father. I may never get it but what would be the point in not trying. If you don't keep trying you never know what will happen. I mean it hurts either way, if you try and get rejected or if you sit around and do nothing about it.

Thank God for my God, my husband, my family, and lastly but certainly not least...my friends. Three have always been there for me and my husband has been there through rough patches too, and with things from my past that pop up and I have to cope with. I will certainly blog more to fill you in (well for the most part) of things that bother me. It might actually help me and give me courage to talk to people about how I feel about things.

If you read this please know that life is never as bad as it may seem. Never do anything drastic because things can change from second to second. Just keep God first in all things you do. If He brings you to it He can get you through it. Remember what Jesus went through. Compared to that everyone's life is a walk in the park. I will end here because I have already written a book lol. Be blessed in everything y'all choose to do. God always love you.